No Child Left Behind, the Basketball Version

March 7, 2008 1:59 pm by Steve Rawley

(Forwarded by Lakeitha, a little joke that’s floating around the Web, origin unknown.)

The basketball version of what is going on in education right now.

  1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their basketballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.
  2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time, even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!
  3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don’t like basketball!
  4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th games. This will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad basketball players.
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Steve Rawley is the father of two PPS students and is publisher and editor PPS Equity.

filed under: Humor

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6 Responses

  1. Comment from Lakeitha:
    March 7th, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    An addition to the rules from Lynn.

    If a team loses three consecutive games, will it be broken up into
    three smaller teams??

  2. Comment from Steve Rawley:
    March 8th, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Well, we know the Jefferson Lady Demos aren’t going to be “left behind!” w00t! Go Demos!

  3. Comment from Zarwen:
    March 8th, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    Lakeitha,

    The breakup-into-smaller-teams rule will apply ONLY if a multibillion-dollar corporation can be found to finance the breakup.

  4. Comment from howard:
    March 9th, 2008 at 11:55 am

    NCLB aside it is interesting to note that high school basketball teams are comprised of a limited number of players who try out.

    High school players learn the fundamentals and polish their skills in elementary schools, camps and community leagues and long hours of preparation prior to arriving at high school.

    Tryouts, scrimmages and games are “high stakes tests” for players and teams.

    Likewise, the key to having a high school full of academically successful students is being able to build a learning environment and staff capable of facilitating the academic growth of a goodly number of well prepared freshmen embarking on their high school careers.

  5. Pingback from Around The Blogosphere: No Child Left Behind | So You Want To Teach?:
    March 9th, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    [...] And of course, there is the beloved No Dentist Left Behind (also, the Football analogy and the basketball version) [...]

  6. Comment from Mister Teacher:
    March 14th, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    This is great!

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